Before I start to write this, I would like to make a disclaimer that I’m not judging anyone or saying what I’m doing is the way to go, it’s just what I’ve decided is best for me.
Since I’ve been out of school for a couple months, I’ve adjusted (not saying well or not) to the non-college lifestyle. I’m no longer waiting for the weekends to go get completely trashed or sleep in until noon, which isn’t what I did all the time but some of the time. I’m not spending time when I’m out with friends trying to get the perfect picture to post on Insta to show people how fun I am and how awesome my life is.
I’m certainly not saying everyone in college does this, but I know that some do. I know that people at my school drink more than most. And I know they get caught up in drinking as much as possible in as short amount of time as possible. Because I did that. And I did it because that’s what everyone else was doing. Whoops.
A lot of people probably love doing that Thursday-Saturday, drinking themselves into oblivion, or just until they have a good buzz, but when I look at Snapchat stories of the life I used to live, I’m not envious. I thought I would be. In fact, on St. Paddy’s day, which is the biggest day at my school, I promised myself I wouldn’t get on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook because I thought I would get sad that I wasn’t there.
But the strangest thing happened. I didn’t care. I looked and I thought, I did that last year, it wasn’t that great. For some of my friends, it’s something they look forward to all year, and that was me freshman year, but at this point I feel like I don’t have it in me to do that. I’m sure I’m growing up faster because I did stupid stupid stuff in a very condensed period of time, but maybe that’s okay.
Maybe being a screw-up for the first 2.5 years of college led me to where I’m supposed to be and where I’m going to be happy. Because I know that when I go back, the student body isn’t going to be in the same mindset as me, they’re not going to know what I know and what I’ve been through – just like I don’t know what they have been through.
So I’m saying goodbye to the past few years. I’m saying goodbye to forming friendships based on Smirnoff and Miller Lite. I’m saying goodbye to judging anyone for anything they do. I’m saying goodbye to going in with a “nope” attitude.
It’s easy to say these things when I’m 100 miles away from school, from all of those decisions, but I’m hoping for support from myself and my friends and family. I’m hoping to try new things that I didn’t get to.
Because I’m young, I really am. And if I don’t do things I want to do now (go to Spain, camp on the beach, write a book, ride a train along the Pacific Coast) when am I going to do it? And I can’t focus on those goals and focus on really living if I’m caught up in being what everyone else is.
So goodbye to the old “me,” who tried to be what everyone wanted me to be, and hello to genuine me, who’s maybe a bit too ambitious for her own good, it’s really nice to meet you.
Have a great, safe weekend everyone! 🙂