Leaving it behind

So today I packed up all my stuff from my apartment at school. I won’t lie, I cried as I walked in. The memories flooded my mind and I had to sit down for a minute before I started getting everything together.

The fridge had memories, the chairs had memories, the couch had memories, my bathroom had memories, the bed had memories, every single article of clothing had memories, the washing machine and dryer had memories. The stairwells even had memories.

Some people have a way of touching every single part of your life. It starts with the siblings, the parents, high school, the major they’re studying. Slowly, it trickles into your past relationships, your fears, your goals in life.

And if you’re like me, every single part of the day is given up like a novel to read. Sure, join me, I seem to say, though I don’t know why I do that, I do. I just want company, not to be alone.

But what you don’t realize is when that person leaves, their void is huge. You notice they’re not there, you wish they were. Doesn’t matter the reason of why they’re not there anymore, you yearn for the times when you were together making breakfast, or together rearranging furniture.

It goes back to the old saying, “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” Well my lord, what I had is so long gone it’s like a hole is in my heart, in my day and even in my bed.

It doesn’t matter who that person was to you, whether a parent, a sibling, a friend or a significant other, it hurts when they’re gone.

All you want is to make amends and get them back, but you have to realize, or should I say, have to realize that they’re not coming back. Maybe someday we will be friends, but it will never ever be like it was.

Hopefully soon, I’ll be okay with that. But for the meantime I have my pup to do things with me (that she probably has absolutely zero interest in). And for that, I’m thankful.


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