It’s been awhile since I’ve written – mostly because there’s just a lot going on, a lot not going on, a lot of things I want to change, a lot of things I want to do and don’t have the energy to.
But today is the beginning of something new. I’m starting a summer class tonight through Indiana University and I’m hoping to get back into a routine. My goals have been scattered, but not nearly as scattered as my life.
I haven’t a clue right now what I want to do after I graduate school, which is awfully terrifying. Luckily I have almost a year to figure that out, but it’s frightening to see people just a little older than me getting jobs and starting their careers. To think that could be me and will be me, it’s almost unfathomable.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what would make me feel fulfilled in this life and I know I have told many people I would like to be a flight attendant, but really, I don’t think that would be putting my talents to the best use. Sure, I’m friendly and I absolutely love flying, but I cannot stop thinking about going somewhere abroad and helping in a third-world country.
However, with my diabetes, I’m really not sure how possible that would be, and I completely understand that it would worry my family. An idea I’ve been thinking about is how I can help those with diabetes who don’t have good enough healthcare to receive the help they need to get the supplies that will help them have a longer and healthier life.
It sounds like a lot to take on, it sounds like something that would drain my bank account, but would fill my heart. Ever since people have asked me what I want to do with my life, what my goals are, I’ve always said: I’ll be happy if I can affect one person’s life in a positive way.
Well, past Meg, that’s a lovely sentiment, but you are more capable than that. And I know that I am. So, I’m done with making wimpy goals (not that it’s really that wimpy), because this life is a one time thing.
So I guess, now I know that I need to start planning and thinking and recruiting and researching and WOW those words sound pretty boring, but hopefully when it’s for something that can fill your entire heart up, it will become something I will look forward to.
And yes, I do still have about a year left of school left, yes I’ve made some pretty big mistakes in the past six months or so and I keep telling God I’m sorry, and keep begging him to help me find guidance.
So I know this might be a stretch, but I was just laying on the floor holding my pup’s paw and I thought, “I haven’t written anything in awhile.” And now I started writing and I literally came up with this idea and this purpose while writing this. So maybe God told me to write, maybe he’s been waiting for me to write. Maybe he had nothing to do with it.
He’s probably pretty upset with me because I’ve not been on my best behavior, but I just want to make my parents proud, my brother, my dog, my friends, God – if he’s there (I sincerely hope/think he might be). And as selfish as this is going to sound – I want to make myself proud.
I’ve come quite aways from a few months ago – in terms of loving/liking myself and valuing who I am and what I deserve from others and from myself. And I know I shouldn’t sell myself short.
So yes, while now I will be finishing my education, starting a summer job, I’m going to use my free time to start to form a plan, to get my priorities intact. And while that probably doesn’t sound fun to most 21-year-olds, I’m not really interested in “fun” right now, I’m more interested in something fulfilling. My goal isn’t fun, fun comes along with spending time with the people I love.
This post changed into something I had no idea it would, but I’m thrilled. I feel a lot better, which is bizarre, but I’m excited now.
I don’t know if there’s anyone that has read all the way, but if you have and you have any ideas about what I could do, places I could research, things like that, please reach out to me.
Text me, call me, email me – 317-656-1652 / firstname.lastname@example.org.
With so much love and excitement,